Fall is an emo time of the year

Long time no post. Let’s fix that.

Work has been pretty crazy lately. Last week saw the end of the quarter, so lots of people are rushing to complete quarterly goals. This doesn’t affect me too much because I don’t have quarterly goals (yet); however, there was a definite intensity as projects are drawing rapidly to a close. It also hasn’t helped much that I’ve been struggling to keep my sleep schedule on a more responsible, grown-up path, meaning I haven’t been going to bed early enough. I’d describe last week as seven days of tiredness. I think I’ll do better this coming week. All this being said, work is going well. Really well. Yes, I am implying something with those italics.

Tonight, I went to a friend’s new house to watch the Seahawks get trounced by the Bears. I went for the nachos and free beer too lest anybody think I’m becoming that big of a sports fan (yet). As he was giving us the tour of his place I suddenly had a completely new thought: “Hey, I want one of these.” I was a little shocked at not only my desire’s object but also the intensity of the desire. It really was just a flash in the heart, but still it was there for a brief moment. Of course, the thought that occurred immediately after that was, “Well, I can’t live in one of these alone.” Then my mind wandered on to thoughts matrimonial, and then my general frustration with things romantic began welling up, so I set that line of thought aside. I’ll return to it later, when I’m less excitable.

Actually, let’s return to it now. As some of my readers know, I have had quite a few frustrations in my life when it comes to women. Indeed, my whole romantic life has been a series of frustrations, confoundings, false starts, and abrupt endings. I would agree that some of it I bring upon myself either through mistakes, lack of initiative, or general ineptness. Lately, things haven’t been any less frustrating. Indeed, recently, I had to look a frustration right in the eyes and be nice when really what I wanted to do was something that would have probably been disastrous for all parties involved. It’s not fair. When I’m around somebody I’m actually attracted to — something that is rare enough! — my whole personality seizes up. I become guarded. My charm switches off. I even get the feeling it’s rude for me to even talk to her. Of course, I am also plagued by self-doubt and cynicism. It’s hard for me, almost impossible for me, to imagine a successful relationship. So, I have to overcome not only the perceived pointlessness of getting to know a girl but all my other handicaps I mention above.

But here’s where it’s not fair. When I’m around women I don’t find attractive or are off limits for some reason, I have no issues. The knowledge that the woman I’m talking to is not a threat to my singleness is like a license for me to be as charming, funny, witty, and flirty as possible. Everything just comes flowing out effortlessly — sometimes too effortlessly. Every time it happens though, I wonder why I can’t be like this when it counts? Why do I have to be a passive little man when something good comes along?

I’m pretty keenly aware of how I can overcome my issues. Indeed, many people give advice how to do just that, but no advice sticks. Even when I have girls telling me that I’m the type of a guy who could walk into a room and get any girl I want, I can’t believe it. Experience has sternly taught me to believe otherwise, and Experience is the best teacher. The psychological obstacles that are in my mind seem unsurmountable. Everybody is cheering for me. All my friends want me to find a girl. People who barely know me try to help me or give me advice. I’m not trying to sound narcissistic but many times it seems like all eyes are on me and I’m basically a no-show. I got nothing.

Sorry for all the emo crap. I haven’t done a post like this in a while, so I think it’s okay. And yes, I am listening to Dashboard Confessional. It seemed appropriate.

11 thoughts on “Fall is an emo time of the year”

  1. You know who you are Steve? You’re like a big bear with claws and fangs, and she’s just like this little bunny, who’s just kinda cowering in the corner, shivering. Yeah, man just kinda… you know, you got these claws and you’re staring at these claws and your thinking to yourself, and with these claws you’re thinking, “How am I suppose to kill this bunny, how am I supposed to kill this bunny?” And you’re poking at it, you’re poking at it… Yea, you’re not hurting it. You’re just kinda gently batting the bunny around, you know what I mean? And the bunny’s scared Steve, the bunny’s scared of you, shivering. And you got these claws and these fangs… And you’re looking at your claws and you’re looking at your fangs. And you’re thinking to yourself, you don’t know what to do, man. “I don’t know how to kill the bunny.” With your claws and fangs you don’t know how to kill the bunny, do you know what I mean? You’re like a big bear, man. Honestly, man.

  2. Swingers for the pwn.

    At least you can take comfort in the fact that even if you were married the chances are slim you’d be able to find an affordable piece of real estate in Seattle…

  3. Seattle is Puyallup, real estate wise, compared to DC. You’re not buying here unless your neighborhood is still 2 years away from livability.

    You could probably get any girl you want. Here’s some advice: Shave. Enunciate and don’t rush through your words. Listen to more popular music and less death metal. Act aloof from anyone remotely interested and gradually warm up to her so she gets excited that you’re noticing her.

    None of this helped me get my girl, though.

  4. my advice? drink. a LOT. you get reaaaally funny when you drink. and girls like funny. we don’t so much care if you pass out later. honest! 😈

    and don’t you dare shave. don’t you dare.

    girls like death metal. if a girl likes you enough and she didn’t like death metal before, she will say she does anyway. do you really think i actually LIKED sepulchura when i met ben? bitch please.

    and i could be wrong, but could the italicized (sp?) word above mean that steev is like jim, and he has found his pam? office romance omg!
    …or maybe i just need sleep.

  5. Okay. New rule. No more “The Office” references unless they are to the original, kick-ass British version. It’s “Tim” finding his “Dawn.” I will say this; most “advice” that’s based on someone’s experience on how they met and dated guys/girls is definitely flawed. It’s arrogant to believe that the same thing will work time and time again. So use logic (with my jaded views injected). Obviously there’s only one way to begin a relationship with a girl you’re attracted to and that’s by talking to them. Obviously the girl will react in different ways, but we can divide it up to either of three responses: interest, disinterest, or undecided. Personally, I would pursue the “interested” only, but that’s a financially motivated decision, as well as a time saver. Tanya fell into the class of “interested.” Then there’s “undecided.” Always a gamble. Time and energy and finances will be needed in excess. They may be attractive and fun, but who wants to really be with someone they had to “convince” to start dating them. Carmen Electra may have fallen into the “undecided” category. “Disinterested” is the downfall of all stupid men. Disinterested women will use and abuse to the fullest extent you allow them. The extremely “hot” and “out of your league” kind of women generally fall into this category. These women might feign “interest” or “undecidedness,” but their minds are generally already made up and they are fully willing to take your money and gifts and dinner and time while giving absolutely nothing in return. An easy way to weed out the “disinterested” women is to make your first date to a restaurant where you enjoy the food but the cost is not that much out of pocket. Disinterested women will not be able to hide their true feelings about your gesture and their true succubus forms will be revealed. An undecided’s reaction is a mute point. Remember what Rush says about undecideds, that will serve you well. Also, remember that interested women are extremely difficult to piss off. Some might wonder if you’re poor for taking them to Gordito’s, or they might question your level of interest in them. All this can be remedied once you have ridded yourself of the “disinterested” and “undecided” women with your clever date. At the end of the date, set up a new date with the “interested” girl (ridding the level of interest question) and take her to a nicer, more well-thought out activity or restaurant (ridding the “he’s po'” panic attack). Of course, there’s one thing to remember in all this advice: TALKING TO A GIRL IS PARAMOUNT IN YOUR SUCCESS!!! SO SUCK IT UP, REGROW SOME BALLS AND GO UP TO THAT HOT GIRL AND INTRODUCE YOURSELF!!!

    See you Friday………

  6. I see my usual critics are showing up. Are you still angry about the Steve Jobs “Antichrist” post, Matt? Why don’t you go buy a new iPod Shuffle? I hear they’re even easier to lose than before. Have fun!!!!

  7. Hey Matt, do you know what you call a Jewish woman’s boobs? Jewbs!!! You’re a stinkin’ n00b, Jewb!!!!

    Bite me F4rtF4ce!!(

  8. in my defense, i got the BBC Office series for Christmas like 2 years ago. nobody gets my tim and dawn references so i stopped trying 😛 so let me fix that:

    “I could catch a monkey. If I was starving I could. I’d make poison darts out of the poison of the deadly frogs. One milligram of that poison can kill a monkey. Or a man. Prick yourself and you’d be dead within a day. Or longer. Different frogs, different times.”

    in fact, just act like Gareth, and women will love you regardless. :mrgreen:

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