A few words of advice/shout outs to some of my fellow drivers:
To all you dudes in convertibles: Look, guys shouldn’t be in convertibles normally*, but if you’re going to be in a convertible do not drive around with smooth jazz thumping. Everybody is already smirking becuase you’re in a convertbile, adding the Yanni just makes us snicker. The only music that is acceptable in this scenario, a scenario that should not be occurring anyway, is ’80’s metal.
*The exception to this rule is if it’s a classic and/or muscle car.
To people in sporty coupes: You people have cars that can go faster, turn sharper, handle better, and accelerate quicker than most other cars. Please drive like you own a sporty coupe rather than a top heavy, iron-framed SUV built in the ’70’s. Going 5 under in the passing lane is completely unacceptable, and you should have that neat little Crossfire taken away from you.
To the wiggers in the Lincoln town cars bumping phat beats: You are in a stock Lincoln town car that isn’t blinged out to the max, yet you still have enough attitude to blast your hip-hop. You are cool because you make me laugh. Thank you for not driving the stereotypical chromed-out Escalade with spinners and other ridiculous accessories. Now, if we can just work on your musical choice . . .
To the people with all sorts of alternative fuel/environmental stickers on the back of your car: It’s cool that you fret over the environment, and because I like alternative fuels I will ignore the haughtiness of the stickers proclaiming you use biodiesel. However, I will not ignore the fact that you’re obviously an environmental nut yet you still flick your cigarette butts out the window of your stupid Volkswagon. Look up “hypocrite” in a dictionary. Learn it. Love it.
To the guy on the street bike with a hot girl in leather on the back: I’m jealous. For obvious reasons.