An emo wail or the battle fares poorly

I’m not sure why I keep track of these events. I mean, it’s important to other people who are directly involved, but it’s important to me only on a much lower level. I suppose there is a certain degree of inevitability in all this, and I should expect this pattern to continue for at least a few more years. However, this is starting to grow tedious.

Now that my inner circle of friends has been almost completely conquered by the forces of marital bliss, it is my extended circle of friends who are succumbing to this irresistable assault on Singledom. Once again, I echo my determination that I shall remain steadfast, an unassailable bulwark against that fiercesome hail of Cupid’s arrows. And even as the battle rages, I remember my fallen comrades when I hear of their defeat. Like last week, I discovered yet again that another fellow warrior has kicked the love bucket. I shall honor her (yes, her) demise with this scream (428 KB wav), which also happens to make good on a previous promise.

To be honest — because we should be honest, right? — this is a battle I’m ambivalent about winning. I’m not really fighting this not-so-good fight. However, currently, it seems my most precious of organs can’t seem to be fatally pierced by the missles of love. I’m not sure if it’s because my heart it too small for Cupid to hit or if he ran out of arrows or if he just keeps firing duds or my armor class is too high for his wimpy lvl 1 arrows (there’s some nerd jargon for you). Whatever the case is, I’m simply pulling E&E maneuvers (there’s some military jargon for you), and I’m still trouncing Cupid in battle. Imagine how successful I would be if I actually tried. If I were to take up the Shield of Bitterness, the Sword of Unending Cynicism, the Breastplate of the Hardened Heart, and the Helm of Lost Love, I would be unbeatable.

And, I’m not sure if I could get any more overwrought.

13 thoughts on “An emo wail or the battle fares poorly

  1. Steve,

    We all know you are destined to have a trophy wife. Now, I don’t think the Rules Of the Universe allow you to have a trophy wife until you’re at least 30. At that point, single smart attractive men are Where It’s At to discriminating 24 year olds like myself that have excellent taste (don’t tell Chadd πŸ˜‰ ). The extra benefit of this Rule of The Universe is that about the time all your now-married friends are having an early-to-mid-life-crisis, you’re going to be marrying the hot chick.

    So, chill dude.


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  3. i agree with kyle. even right now you could be considered hawt property, because you don’t have all this past relationship serious emotional baggage (i’ve noticed at my work that most late-20s early-30s guys that are single are usually divorced, some with kids, eek). you’ll just have neurotic-single-guy emotional baggage, which is usually repairable and generally very cute. and which you probably already have, but that’s because you went to SPU. :mrgreen:

    anyway, cheer up! i’ve noticed that st. pat’s is convieniently on a friday this year! let’s get a group together and pub crawl!

  4. Steev cheer the frig up! at least it means free beer and food and the chance to get drunk and swim naked in the ocean with some of my hot single friends! i tried to give you dating advice whilst i was visiting you. which was watch Deuce Bigalow Male Gigalo vol. 1&2. you seriously may learn a few things about women. and i agree with kyle you are destined for the trophy wife. “sigh” i always end up with the struggling artist/musician.cupid is telling me to give up my fondness for designer handbags and jeans.

    p.s. it might help if you didn’t go around refering to your penis as “my most precious of organs”. that could really freak a girl out….or really turn a girl on. depending on the girl(this type of girl though is probably a sexed crazed trannie-beware).

    see you sept. 9th if not sooner πŸ˜‰

  5. I’m going to nip this in the bud before you girls get too carried away. I was referring to my heart when I said “my most precious of organs.” If I was referring to my manly member I’d say “the world’s most precious of organs.”

    Believe it.

  6. (snort)

    (muffled laughter)


    (snicker snicker snicker at Leigh’s post)

    (I give up)

    :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

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