Happy Independence Day, everybody!
Time for me to get free of some cobwebs. First, I’ll start with something I meant to post about 2 months ago but never felt like posting. For many this is not news, but this is for me to clean some skeletons out of my closet.
Shuffling Off the Legal Coil
. . .and it was a very constricting coil.
I’ve been debating how to write this post for close to two weeks now because there is a fine balance I want to strike between honesty, explanation, and privacy. As I mentioned before I have/had a lot of bile to spill about my first year of law school, but I’ve decided not to do that, mostly because I don’t feel the need anymore. I hope this ends up with a minimum amount of vitriol
I’m guessing for most of my readers and friends that it was no secret I grew to hate law school during the second semester. I don’t like using the word hate because it’s such a strong term, and I like to reserve it for when I really mean it. Well, I really mean it right now, so I think it’s appropriate. A lot (probably most) law students “hate” law school, but this “hate” is probably more like a strong dislike. In my experience, it is pretty common practice for the non-gunners (read: normal) law students to joke about quitting, asking why they’re doing this, claiming failure, etc. But none of them really mean it. It’s just a way of building bonds with fellow students by acknowledging and sharing a common misery. But for me, I wasn’t joking and I didn’t use the word with scare quotes. It’s very very rare I hate an academic endeavor. In fact, the only other time I felt this way during my mature life was with that whole foreign language debacle after I finished undergrad. I deeply despised that whole affair, and I still harbor some resentment towards SPU because of it. Anyway, my negative feelings towards school quickly eroded away the motivation I had to do the work. It’s tough to read boring law cases which seemingly have no point when you have no motivation. The last three months of school were a constant battle to get anything done at all. Let’s just say by the end it got pretty ugly.
It was also no secret that I had been considering quitting school for several months. I’ll be the first to say that this decision was often an embarrassing rollercoaster of whining, relief, and, well, misery. So many times I came up to the cusp of quitting, only to back down from it and resolve to persevere. This cycle had been going on for pretty much all of the second semester, and every time it was getting not only more vicious but more embarrassing. It got to the point where I tried not to talk about it at all and dealt with it privately. When people asked me how I liked law school, I was honest, but I did my best to make light of it. I didn’t want to seem melodramatic.
That cycle has ended. I’m not going back for a second year. I could probably write several pages explaining why I’ve made this decision, but I don’t feel that’s necessary. Ultimately it came down to this: I will not go deeply in debt to be miserable for three years of my life as I study material I care absolutely nothing about so I can go into a career about which I wasn’t sure. Of course, making this decision introduces a great deal of questions for which I don’t have sure answers. But there is one thing of which I am sure: law school is not for me at this point in my life. I suppose this makes me a quitter, and I think I’m fine with that. I’m not quitting because I couldn’t do it; I’m quitting because my heart is not in it.
I wrote that back in early May, and I wouldn’t change a bit of it. One of the things holding me back deciding to quit earlier was that I thought I would regret it. Well, I don’t have a single regret so far. Indeed it has been a great relief. When I originally posted that I was pretty defensive about my decision and in a bit of a funk. That didn’t last too long, but I was put in a lame position for about 2 months in Salem as I waited for my lease to expire and took care of some other obligations.
Anyway, I’m back in Seattle now. I just finished the move last Saturday. I’ll be living with my little brother until the end of September. In the mean time, I’m going to see if I can find a job or something. If nothing works out here in Seattle, my lease term at my apartment is only 6 months. I have a bunch of friends in Portland who want me to come down there. Salem was not a good town for me in many ways. I’m glad to be back in Seattle. I just hope I can stay.
Right now I’m waiting to get internet at my apartment. However, since I have literally nothing else to do besides do job search stuff (anybody know of any job openings?), posting will probably be pretty constant as I hang out on the SPU campus and local wifi-ed coffee shops.
By the way, War of the Worlds is a darn fun movie to watch. I’d recommend it. I’d like to see it again.