Breaking arrows and hearts

Here’s an interesting piece about breaking up on Valentine’s Day. Though the article is severely undermined by such lines as this:

“The dark side of human nature is indeed dark,” he says, in reference to research he conducted at the University of Texas at Austin for a dissertation called “Cues to Commitment.” That research reveals five reasons that a man – men do most of the dumping – may end a relationship on Valentine’s Day:

1. He’s not interested in a deep, committed relationship and doesn’t want to lead the woman on.

2. He’s scared about the escalation of commitment that often comes with sharing Valentine’s Day with a woman.

3. He doesn’t want to waste time and/or money on a relationship he thinks won’t last.

4. He’s dating several women simultaneously and the obligations of the day – dinner, date, etc. – force him to choose one woman and dump the other(s).

5. He’s worried that publicly sharing Valentine’s Day with a woman will reduce his ability to play the field.

What was his sample for this research? Just the frat guys? This seems like some really shoddy research to me. In my experience and amongst the friends I have, women do nearly all of the dumping (indeed, I have trouble thinking of one instance where a guy did the dumping), and I have never encountered a guy described in point 4. Maybe this means I just hang out with quality guys, but that seems like total BS to me.

There is one thing that is definitely true in this article:

“It’s almost worse and more offensive to mislead the other person by going out on a date and going through the motions”

The pity date. One of the biggest fears I have about just asking a girl out. Too many girls do it, and it’s lame. It would be better to just shut the guy down, but most girls don’t have enough guts to do it. At least my lack of guts in relationships doesn’t result in somebody getting hurt. I just get frustrated.

2 thoughts on “Breaking arrows and hearts”

  1. Having not had a serious relationship in a few years, I feel as though I am on the other side of the coin. I enjoy Valentines day, for the sole reason that so many single folks are single, and they go out with their friends, get drunk, then(sometimes) go home with someone they just met. Not that I’m shallow or anything, but Valentines day is the perfect hook up night. Obviously, if the girl is alone, drinking or dancing, she probably doesnt have a boyfriend. So, then I can step in, say hello my name is…and take it from there. This last v’s day was no exception, and we’ve already had two dates since, then we broke up. I cant think of a better situation. We met, had our fun, had closure, and no harm done. We knew it wouldnt last, but thats whats so good about v’s day, everyone is able to set a boundary and obey it. So, I, for one enjoy Cupids arrows, as long as they dont sting.

  2. If you know and feel that your guy is afraid of commitment then probably that is all you could expect from him and nothing more. If you are no longer happy with a person, be honest with yourself and with him. You both can decide whether you will end your relationship or not. True love involves commitment.

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