WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!

A few nights ago, I saw The Day After Tomorrow. This was against my natural, conservative intuitions, but I like to throw my own common sense to the wind from time to time.

According to the movie, a second Ice Age is unleashed by an American — of course! — who is drilling on the Arctic ice cap and cracks a whole huge piece off. This floats out to sea, melts, cools and desalinizes the North Antlantic Current, and then everybody is screwed! Gigantic hail in Tokyo, L.A. destroyed by tornados, blizzards in New Delhi, and New York flooded. And that’s just the beginning! Then the dreaded Supercells of Freezing Death form in the Northen Hemisphere, drawing drown super-cooled upper atmospheric air, converting humans into popsicles the world over. Fortunately, the supercells only have enough energy to last for a week, so the whole world wasn’t converted into Hoth. Unfortunately, this leaves most of the heroes alive.

My friend Brian, who saw it with me, put it well, “It would have been a good movie if there was no dialogue.” I think that’s a fair assessment. If there was no dialogue, the movie would still be left with all the great special effects and such, but it wouldn’t be held back by lame, trite dialogue, horrible junk science, moral haranguings, and America trashing. Just to shed a little light on the leanings of the movie consider this: the President in the movie is relegated to only a few lines and after listening to his advisors, makes the right decisions. He looks vaguely like Al Gore. The Vice President is at the forefront, fighting against the scientists who are trying to warn him of the impending doom. He looks a lot like Dick Cheney. Coincidence? I think not.

Pros: Great special effects, Supercells of Freezing Death, the US gets what’s coming to it (!), everybody watches Fox News affiliates
Cons: The actors were given speaking roles, Americans survive, no aliens.

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